Common challenges for expat children (and how you can support your child)

For more than 13 years, we at Dutch for Kids have been supporting expat families all over the world. During those years, we have seen hundreds of children leave, arrive, adjust, blossom – and sometimes struggle too.

Of course, every child is different and every family experiences a move in their own way. But there are a few challenges we see coming back again and again with expat children: homesickness, adjusting to a new environment, and questions about identity.

In this blog, I’d love to share more about these challenges – and, most importantly, what you as a parent can do to support your child in the best possible way.

1. Homesickness – even for children who “live in the moment”

Children are often incredibly flexible and tend to live very much in the moment. But that doesn’t mean they can’t feel homesick.

Homesickness isn’t only about missing the old house or country. It’s often about missing:

• their old school
• friends
• grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins
• familiar teachers
• small daily routines

Sometimes it appears right away. Sometimes months later – suddenly, out of nowhere.

What helps?

Let everything be there. You don’t need to brush feelings away or make them smaller. Your child didn’t move because life was bad there – it was good there too.

Practical ideas:

• Talk with warmth about what you left behind: “What did you enjoy about your old school?”
• Let your child send a card or drawing to someone they miss.
• Ask that person (or their parents) to send something back – this feels incredibly connecting for a child.
• Name the feelings: “It really is hard to say goodbye.”

Homesickness doesn’t mean the move was a mistake. It means your child formed deep connections – and that is something beautiful.at de verhuizing fout was. Het betekent dat je kind zich heeft gehecht – en dat is juist iets heel moois.

2. Settling into a new environment – building a new life

At the same time, it’s important that your child is given the space to grow roots in the new country.

Even if you don’t speak the language yet.
Even if you don’t understand the school system yet.
Even if everything still feels unfamiliar.

Deep down, every child wants to belong somewhere.

What helps?

• Invite classmates over.
• Put some snacks on the table.
• Create a simple, cosy afternoon together.
• Join school activities, even if you feel insecure.

It doesn’t have to be perfect. It just needs to be warm and open.

Social connection is often more important than language. The language will come. But feeling safe and included… that’s the foundation.

3. Identity – “Where do I actually belong?”

Many expat children grow up between different worlds. That is a huge gift – but it can also be confusing at times.

I still remember people in the Netherlands saying to my children:

“Oh, so now you’re Spanish?”
“Can you speak Spanish well already?”

As if they had suddenly become someone else.

We can laugh about it now. But at the time, it felt uncomfortable.

Because no – we didn’t become a Spanish family.
We are a Dutch family living abroad.

Both can exist at the same time.

Your child doesn’t have to choose.
Not between countries.
Not between languages.
Not between cultures.

What helps?

• Say out loud that both are true: Dutch and international.
• Keep Dutch traditions alive (like Sinterklaas or Christmas).
• Keep speaking the language.
• Stay in touch with family and friends.
• Visit the Netherlands occasionally in a way that feels calm and relaxed.

You don’t have to see everyone. A few safe, warm visits are far more valuable than rushing from one appointment to the next.

And invite people to visit you in your new country too. You live abroad now – for many friends and family members, that’s a beautiful adventure in itself. A guest room, a cosy tent in the garden, an open door – that’s often more than enough.

A richness for life

Growing up between cultures.
Speaking multiple languages.
Learning to move between different worlds.

Sometimes it’s complicated.
Sometimes it’s emotional.
But it’s also an incredible richness.

For your child.
And for you.

By giving space to homesickness, actively building new connections, and honouring your child’s identity, you’re not just helping your child through a move – you’re giving them something for life.

And that may be the most beautiful gift of all.